How to keep children safe on the internet – part 1: cybergrooming

In connection with the recently released film "V síti" [In the Net] by director Vít Klusák, the debate about how to keep children safe online has flared up again. Completely cutting a child off from the worldwide network is counterproductive – the internet is an integral part of our lives, so the ideal solution is rather to teach children how to move around the net as safely as possible. Children are by no means at risk only from sexual predators online. What can you do to keep your children safe – whether at home on your Wi-Fi network or anywhere else?

What lurks for your children online?

The heading of this section may sound frightening, but don't let it fool you. Used properly, the internet is actually a great place where your child can learn a lot. With a bit of exaggeration, we can compare the internet to the world outside your front door – a world full of beautiful natural and urban locations, libraries, pleasant cafés, museums or sports grounds, but also dark alleys, tourist traps, dangerous neighbourhoods or, for instance, unprotected railway crossings. Above all, it is important to know how to move safely and sensibly in both the real and the virtual world. Your children are at risk online not only from adult sexual predators, but also from people who may be eyeing up your payment card details or your property while you are away on holiday. Your little ones may also be threatened by ubiquitous malware and, unfortunately, by cyberbullying or false and alarming news.

TIP: Is your child already at school? Read the article Internet in Schools

Everything in Moderation

Even if your child successfully avoids all the threats mentioned above, there is one more risk when they use the internet – addiction. To social networks, to online and offline games, to computers in general. It is therefore extremely important to set clear rules with your child about when and how they may use the internet and electronic devices. If your family uses Apple devices, you can use the Screen Time feature for younger children. Don't let your little ones stay up late at their computers, smartphones and tablets, but above all, set them an example yourselves. If you have already got used to constantly checking your smartphone or sitting at the computer, returning to an "offline life" may be more challenging, but ultimately it will benefit the whole family. Offer your children and yourselves a sufficiently engaging and entertaining alternative to sitting in front of a computer, tablet or smartphone – you may be surprised how much even a teenager can enjoy board or card games, or geocaching, for instance. Try to make your home a place your child doesn't need to escape from into cyberspace. Remember your own childhood and adolescent years, and give your little one plenty of trust, healthy self-confidence and recognition – just as you needed at their age.

Sex in All Its Forms

When it comes to all the threats lurking for your children in cyberspace, it is essential (for you) to stay calm, keep a clear head and not panic. Sex is a natural part of adult life and, at the same time, something that from a certain age arouses natural curiosity in children. While our generation was still largely reliant on printed publications in this respect (whether it was a seventh-grade biology textbook, books such as "Dospíváme v muže" [Growing Up into a Man] and "Děvčátka, na slovíčko" [Girls, a Word, Please], or the Bravo magazine's "Láska, sex a něžnosti" [Love, Sex and Tenderness] column), our children have incomparably broader options in this area. It is perfectly natural for a child to become interested in how the human body looks from a certain age. Your little angel will most likely try to peek at adult websites sooner or later. Talking to a child about sex is often awkward for both sides, but communication is important. Your child should know that – regardless of what their classmates are doing – they must not visit porn sites before the age of eighteen for legal reasons, and that such a visit could theoretically have unpleasant legal consequences for you as a parent too. It is also important to explain sensitively to your child that the people in legal pornography are paid for what happens there, and that in everyday life sex usually looks different from porn. Explain the necessity of mutual consent to your child, and make sure they know the difference between legal and illegal sexual content on the internet. Bear in mind that sensitive explanation and treating your child as an equal work better than plain strict bans. A lovestruck fourteen-year-old girl will most likely ignore a ban on sending revealing photos. But if you explain to her sensitively, firmly, yet without exaggeration, that once she sends such a photo to anyone, she loses all control over it and the photo may live its own life on the internet for many years to come, this may be more effective. It is also important to warn your minor that sending such material – even to a schoolmate from the next class – constitutes distributing child pornography.

Cybergrooming and Online Predators

The internet is, among other things, a place where people of different ages, backgrounds, interests and beliefs meet. Those who do not have good intentions towards your children may also take advantage of this fact. Cybergrooming is the term for online manipulation of a more vulnerable individual, the aim of which is to lure that person into a face-to-face meeting, usually of a sexual nature. Perpetrators usually use a false identity when grooming, pretending to be a child or a teenager; cases of "adult friends", fake managers of modelling agencies and the like are not rare either. It would be a mistake to think that these perpetrators wait for your children only on dating sites or in chat rooms – they also operate, for example, in online games in which players can communicate with each other. Once such a person has gained your child's trust, communication usually moves to Messenger, WhatsApp, Skype or a similar platform. These people also move around on regular social networks, community websites or video chat platforms, such as Omegle.

Caution Is the Mother of Wisdom

With this sensitive topic too, early prevention and proper communication can achieve more than strict bans or monitoring your own child. It is not good to keep from your offspring what they may encounter on the internet, but it is also pointless to frighten them needlessly with perverts waiting for them around every corner. Getting to know people online is certainly tempting, and perhaps every child longs for friends. But try to explain to your little ones that friends on social networks are not Pokémon that they should collect as many of as possible. Your child should (if they have a social network account) really only have as friends those whom they know in person (again – regardless of what their classmates do). You, in turn, should bear in mind that children under 13 have no business on social networks, and – hand on heart – it's not such a disaster if they don't open an account on these networks even later. Sensitive personal data, such as home address, the school a minor attends or even a phone number, has no place on a minor's social network profile. Provocative photos do not belong there either. Your little one should not share sensitive information of any kind in chats in online games or in other places either. Point out to your child that the methods used by people trying to extract such details are often really sophisticated, and that they should not let themselves be taken in. Your child should not tell anyone online where they live, what their phone number is or which school they attend, and not even how often their parents are at home or away, or whether they have a computer in their bedroom. Point out to your child that even a person with bad intentions may initially behave like a friend in order to gain the trust of their victim.

A Safe Environment

But you yourselves play the key role here – if you have enough time for your child, if they trust you, and if you treat them sensitively, the likelihood that they will feel the need to seek trust and understanding elsewhere will be significantly reduced. Do not ridicule YouTubers, TikTokers and influencers in front of your child, do not dismiss Minecraft by saying you grew up on Dostihy a sázky (Horse Racing and Betting) – try to study this world yourself and perhaps subtly recommend the right content to your child. You might be surprised how many young creators can convey essential information about proper behaviour online to their viewers, even though this information is often wrapped in words and gestures that parents may not necessarily like. Try to communicate more with your child and find out, in a non-intrusive way, what their hobbies are and what they do online. Don't cross-examine your offspring. You can try asking your child to show you how to use YouTube, Instagram or TikTok. It is possible (and entirely normal) that your child won't take your warnings about the unsuitability of certain platforms seriously. In that case, you can try recommending suitable content and creators who will explain the pitfalls of TikTok (or other networks) to your child in a way that is more acceptable to them – there are relatively many videos of this type on YouTube, and you mustn't let yourself be put off by the fact that the vocabulary of their creators is unlikely to remind you of a parish priest's sermons. Consider whether TikTok as such will harm your child more, or a YouTuber who may not go far with the sharper words but whose delivery helps the child understand that it is best not to download TikTok to their phone at all.

What Can You Do?

Restricting or monitoring the content your child comes across on the internet is a tricky matter. Strict censorship and checking can be counterproductive – mutual trust is key. But it is also not good to leave your minor children completely free online – in case of problems, that could theoretically have legal consequences for you yourselves. For children of a certain age, you can use content blockers or, in your web browser settings, block specific websites. For younger children, replace the standard YouTube app with the YouTube Kids version, but don't forget to carefully make all the additional settings. On smartphones and tablets used by younger children, disable the option for the child to download any apps on their own. Some internet providers may also offer you tools or advice on controlling the content your children watch, and parental control options (including "cutting off" from the home Wi-Fi network) are offered by a number of router manufacturers too.

When Trouble Strikes

The best thing is not to wait until a cybergroomer contacts your child. Being firmly convinced that such a thing could never happen to you is equally dangerous. Depending on your child's age, explain to them what might happen to them online, and above all reassure them that whatever happens, everything can be sorted out. A child should never be afraid to confide in you about anything. One of the most common threats predators use is "I'll tell your mum". The child should know that they have their parents to lean on. When your offspring has become involved in a relationship with a predator, there is no room for punishment, anger, lectures or phrases like "I told you so". A child in this situation is a victim, so don't treat them as the culprit. Although it may be challenging, back up the entire conversation, take screenshots, delete nothing and do not block the perpetrator. Try to keep a cool head. Do not go after the perpetrator with a baseball bat in your hand, and do not contact them in any way, but consult the police about the next steps. Remember to reassure your child throughout that they are safe with you and that confiding in you was the best thing they could have done. Do not resort to punishments – the situation itself will be a sufficient lesson for your child, and right now you should above all be their support. If you feel you cannot cope with the situation, you can contact the helpline for adults, or consult experts about the next steps in an online advice centre – for example, the Rodičovská linka (Parents' Helpline) works well. If you are worried that your child will not be able to confide in you, do not punish them for it, and provide them with the contacts of children's crisis lines – for example, the website of the Dětské krizové centrum (Children's Crisis Centre). At the end of the first part of our series on internet safety for children, we once again stress that trust and communication are the key elements in this case. Remember that there are many places where you and your child can turn in case of problems or doubts. In future parts of our series, we will cover cyberbullying, phishing and other topics.

If you haven't done so yet and online safety is important to you, read the article Ten Rules for Staying Safe Online, which is one of the most-read articles on this website.

Updated 13 March 2024